This obscure and relatively rare thing has shaped and molded so much of my the last 8 years. My most intense pain, my deepest loneliness, my deepest grief, and my sharpest shame have all been wrapped up in this.

Well, this is probably the most vulnerable thing I’ve ever written. I’ve been wrestling with writing about this for a couple of years now, and it’s taken all this time to finally be ready to put it out there. I started writing on this blog in October of 2017 as a way to begin my writing journey, knowing that it would eventually lead to this. While I spent many posts talking about the emotional work I was doing in counseling, what it feels like to do EMDR and process through your trauma, the aggravating realities of some mysterious diagnosis….. for many reasons, I didn’t name it. It’s time now time to do so.

Vaginismus.

This obscure and relatively rare thing has shaped and molded so much of my the last 8 years. My most intense pain, my deepest loneliness, my deepest grief, and my sharpest shame have all been wrapped up in this.

Before I go any further, people say they want to know, but not everyone means it or has the capacity to process this kind of a story. Our struggles with sex and our bodies create a specific type of shame that causes us to want to turn away. It reminds us of our own vulnerability. It’s about to get really personal, so if you don’t want to know more, I suggest you stop reading now because there’s a chance you’re about to get really uncomfortable.

For those of you who have struggled with sex, relationships/marriage, etc. and felt lonely in the midst of it, this is for you